I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope....

So lately I'm very obsessed with the Florence + The Machine song Shake it Out. Check out the lyrics, little one, and maybe you'll understand why:

Regrets collect like old friends
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to playAnd every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn

And I've been a fool and I've been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I'm always dragging that horse around

All of his questions, such a mournful sound
Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground
So I like to keep my issues drawn
But it's always darkest before the dawn

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh woah

I am done with my graceless heart
So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart
Cause I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh woah

And given half the chance would I take any of it back?
It's a final mess but it's left me so empty
It's always darkest before the dawn

And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't
So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my road
And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope
It's a shot in the dark and right at my throat
Cause looking for heaven, found the devil in me
Looking for heaven, found the devil in me
Well what the hell I'm gonna let it happen to me

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh woah

 

Needless to say, its a pretty powerful song, and I'm totally addicted to it. Its a song that gets me pumped up when I'm thinking about you little one, because I am ready to suffer and hope and it is a shot in the dark that you'll be our little one, but I'm ready to take the shot.

 

The Numbers:

138 days until you are due to come into this world.

10 days until we find out if this is going to be truly serious.

14 days that we've known about your existence.

15 days until we meet with the lawyer.

48 days left to begin the homestudy.

90 days to have a home study completed.

 

What the Numbers Feel Like:

An eternity and half a millisecond, all at once.

 

Its always darkest before the dawn.