Letters to Lillian

Letters to Lillian
First it was two,
then we had you.
Now we have everything.

Letters to Lilly,
our daughter through adoption.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Bad Day...

Oh Little One. Today will not go down as a good day in the books. Luckily, it could have been a lot worse.

It started with a call. It was one of those calls you never, ever want to be on the other end of. It was late in the morning, and RB and I were still asleep. The phone call woke us up, but we couldn't make it to the phone in time. It was my mom, and she had left a message. RB had went to the bathroom and I listented to the voicemail. It was pretty much nothing but screams, my mothers voice which is always so calm on the other end screaming, "My head, my neck, my car! You need to come NOW! I need you at the house..oh God my car, my head, it hurts, it hurts, COME NOW!"

Of course when we tried to call back, there was no answer, so I threw on clothes and screamed at RB to get dressed, we had to go.

Long story short, my mom got in a car accident right outside of her front door. She was backing her truck out of the driveway to drive her sister home, and just as she was about to put the truck in drive and move along down her street and into a normal day, a big black SUV came barelling down the road at fifty miles per hour and slammed straight into the back of her truck. An ambulance ride and five hours in the ER later  after a few staples in her head, a concussion and lots of bumps and bruises everything is relatively okay.

But its days like these that make you realize that everything in your life can change  in an instant.  And sometimes thats good, and sometimes its bad. And while its easy to fall into an anxiety ridden existance, worrying and wondering whats going to go wrong around every corner, you just cannot think like that. And it drives the point home more and more: I can worry the next six months that you won't end up as our little one at the end of this, I can think about it every second of every day, worrying myself to death. But you just never know. Unexpected things happen all the time, and life has the power to change in an instant. I have to stop worrying about it and put my trust in faith that it is all going to work out the way its supposed to, for the better.

I am so happy that mom is okay, that tonight she is safe in her bed. And she'll be sore tomorrow and the next day, but in the end she'll be okay. And thats whats important. They always say you only get one mother, and its true. Love and cherish your mother, because they will be one of the most important people in our lives. I love my mother more than words could ever express, and I make sure to tell her every single day. (And of course love and respect your father too, they are just as important).

This time next week, BM will have had counseling and we will hopefully know more. This week is going to crawl by for us. But then again, life can change in an instant. 

I'm going to try my best not to worry between now and then. It won't be easy, but no one ever said life is easy. Everything in this world worth having is worth all the worry in the world, including you little one.

 

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