Letters to Lillian

Letters to Lillian
First it was two,
then we had you.
Now we have everything.

Letters to Lilly,
our daughter through adoption.

Monday, November 5, 2012

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.



Little One, the quote above is from the late Steve Jobs, a fellow adoptee who undeniably changed the landscape of technology forever. How did he accomplish so much? He followed his heart with a level head.

If there is one thing I want you to learn in this world, the most important lesson that I am relearning everyday, it would be this: follow your heart, and trust your intuition. 

I'll say it again.

Let the words sink in.

Follow your heart.

Trust your intuition.

We have been presented with a few situations where it was a tough call so far in this journey. At times, we've had to make really, really tough decisions.Hard things to face. We've had to say no to some things, some people- and it's been incredibly difficult to make those decisions. But when something doesn't feel right - you need to trust your intuition. And when something feels so right that no matter how much thinking you do about it, you can't get rid of that indescribable, airy feeling of hope- trust your heart.

It's been a lesson we've learned a lot recently, and it can be applied to almost everything in life. It's tough to balance the logic of your brain and the flood of your emotions. It takes some fine tuning and finesse to be able to detect which one is leading you where at what times. But there will be two very distinct feelings you can never ignore.

The first of which is that feeling in your gut. The one that gnaws and tears at you, no matter how good you may think you feel about something. It's the voice in the back of the theater screaming fire while you're blissfully watching the movie play out in your head. It's the friends advice your ears won't let you hear. It's that outside perspective. It's that fight or flight feeling. It's your intuition, your sensory point of danger. Trust it. Put your life in it. You won't want to hear it a lot of the time. You'll want to drown it out with positives, put a new spin on it, get your emotions involved. It's incredibly hard to ignore, and at the same time, incredibly hard to listen to. In my life so far, my intuition has been a beacon, a lighthouse that brings me back home in the darkest of storms and roughest of seas. It's the keeper of the logic, the neutral safe place in your head that gives you another perspective- not for any reason other than to keep you safe. It's the cold armor of truth round your warm heart.

And then, sweet baby, there is your heart.

Trust in your heart. Follow your heart. When someone says something is impossible, trust in your heart to guide you. Your heart is not the booming voice of intuition, it's the tiny whisper that you have to slow down to understand. It's that little voice inside of your head that when you're so down on life, it softly tells you to try again. It's your soft side, the ship that will take you to the lighthouse. It's that gnawing feeling that you need to stop thinking and make the leap in the zero hour. Sometimes it's the illogical decision that no one understands but you. Sometimes it's going against the grain.

Don't follow trends, Lo. Follow your heart instead.

And they need each other, these two. Intuition needs heart, heart needs intuition. There may be times where it hurts so much to take this advice. Where it feels like the world is crashing down because you are following one or both of these feelings. But know that it's not.

Following your heart is following hope.

We have been burned so far. A lot. But we follow our hearts. Our hearts are telling us to not give up, to keep going, that maybe we've already made the contact we need to make. Our hearts are telling us that this is not a matter of if, but when. That when may not be this month, next month or the following month, but when is when it's meant to be. Our intuition guards our hearts from the people who could potentially hurt us, but lets its guard down when something is safe.

Together, trusting these two feelings will help us find you. And once you learn to trust in them (which is something we're still learning every single day) they will help you find peace, acceptance and where you're meant to be.

And you're meant to be here with us, sweet baby.

With trust, love, and a gut feeling about this going right, 

Love always,

Mom

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